I feel like I am failing.
Life feels like it's whizzing and I can't keep up. Maybe you feel it too?
I feel like I am failing.
Failing friends, failing at work, failing my family.
My to do list of what’s app messages to reply to, emails to get back to, fun days out that have been postponed with the kids, date nights with the husband.
But I am exhausted. We have just moved house. I have ongoing health issues, Tuesday I went to the Doctors for a prebooked appointment and ended up spending 7 hours in A&E with a suspected heart attack. Fortunately it wasn’t that but I have some ongoing tests to go through. The daft thing here is, I am still more bothered about letting others down than I am a pretty serious health scare.
But there’s only so much, “I have got a lot going on” you can reasonably say out loud before it sounds like an excuse and you feel very less than.
I used to be someone that took great pride in my version of doing it all. Of ticking things off, of meeting and exceeding others expectations and now, I know, I am so very far from that.
At times I am very aware that I have indeed not even come close to peoples expectations and I find that the hardest thing. To sit with that. To resist the urge to call them all up or sit them all down and explain all that I have going on, to excuse myself.
Even the fact that I have time to write this and not have time to respond to people on what’s app, how do I justify that?
I don’t know.
But I am quite sure I am not on my own with this.
All that comes with being a woman and the life changes that we are going through right now. The reality of not being able to do it all, any more.
And yet, we know in retrospect that those standards we have held ourselves to for so long, were rediculous anyway and certainly not a way we’d want our daughters to live.
But yikes, it’s so hard to shake off.
The feeling of not enough. Of letting others down. Of being some kind of failure.
I am trying to see it all as an adjustment, a realignment, of values and how I see myself. A whopping work in progress of self acceptance.
I am not perfect, I have very obvious limitations, sometimes people might be cheesed off with me because of it. There’s only so much within my control and I really am doing my version, of the best I can.
I don’t have any more to give and somehow I, maybe we, need to find peace with that.
Let me know if you can relate and I would love to know have you found a way to help with this? x
This is so very relatable. 🫶🏼
Yes to all the above 💜 x x